Thoughtless for the Day

But first...

America's last real Republican president, Gerald Ford, is dead. RATYHTL paid tribute to the great man back in '04.

Part of the grieving process is moving on. So, moving right along...

To help deal with my grief over the loss of the Dysfunctional Family Circus (see a few actual submissions from your friend and humble narrator click here, here, and here) a few years back, I began entering caption contests. For the most part, this was with the goal in mind of having my captions rejected, as they tended to be of a scatological nature.

Now, as you may or may not know, I subscribe to an excellent publication by the name of the Biblical Archaeology Review (I strongly recommend that the 50% of America which reads at or above an eight grade level subscribe to BAR) and each month BAR runs a caption contest featuring a Biblically themed cartoon. Lost month was the first time I ever entered BAR's contest, but I was certain I'd win. Here's the cartoon with my submitted caption helpfully appended as to facilitate the full comedic effect:

Granted, it's no "Poop holds the tent wher it is", but I think that you'll agree that it's miles ahead of the winner which was... well, click here because you wouldn't believe me if I told you. You'll also notice that I didn't even land an "honorable mention". At first I was pissed off at my work being passed over in favor of the least funny caption since Neanderthals smeared their feces below the cave drawings of Cro-Magnon man (Stop. I take that back. Nothing is less funny than "The unicorns say they're not coming"), but then it dawned on me that, since I'm incapable of writing the sort of bromidic captions that the editors at BAR seem to favor; I'm now free to submit any goddamn caption I please!

OK, here's this month's cartoon:

And here are some caption ideas I've been kicking around:

"But Mel Gibson says all Jews have horns."

"What the fuck are you staring at, sugartits?"

"We're in a hurry; we have to kill Christ at three o'clock"

"If you don't mind, we'd rather be paid with the blood of gentile babies"

" The unicorns say they're coming... in your mouth."

You can either use the comments section to submit your own "craption" or go directly to the BAR Caption Contest. If you go to the BAR website, please don't submit anything too rude (or too funny, if you have your heart set on winning).