Thoughtless for the Day

Thanks to a clerical error I've been voting since the age of nine. In the intervening years I've seen a lot of truly messed up elections come and go. For example, there was 1978 when the zombies from the original Dawn of the Dead were elected to the Cleveland City Council. And then there was 1994 when a small piece of fecal matter was chosen to head the Kansas City School Board. Good times.

So, speaking as someone who has been following politics since a tender age, you should believe me when I tell you that the midterm election of 2006 has been the best page molesting/mistress strangling/meth and massage election EVER! It terms of sheer insanity, the only way this election could possible get any more fucked up would be if accompanying outbreaks of St. Vitus' Dance and explosive diarrhea were to suddenly strike the polling places. The only drawback being that all this stupidity channeled into one election cycle renders the choice I'm about to make an extremely difficult one.

Ladies, gentlemen, and Rev. Ted Haggard, I give you The Runner-Up for Most Truly Fucked Up Moment in Election '06:

I Wanted You To Meet My Girls

Most of you probably only aware Tennessee Senator Bob Corker because of those "Harold, call me" ads which were run against his challenger, and equal homophobic bible thumping dipshit, Harold Ford. But what you most likely didn't know was that last week Bob Corker aired a new ad featuring his two daughters, Julia and Emily. The ad ends with the tag line "I'm Bob Corker and I approved this message because I wanted you to meet my girls."

Remember, it was Bob, not me, who put his daughters in the spotlight so I don't want to see any hate-mail over what I'm about to show. Now, I don't know about Emily, but I'm sure-as-shitting glad Bob wanted us to meet Julia.

Here's fair lass Julie (on the left) making out with another girl, courtesy of Julia's Facebook (more like suck-facebook) page.

And here's Julia Corker dancing merrily in the background as another young lady displays what are either the world's least sexy pair of shorts or her great-grandmother's burlap panties.

No wonder Bob Corker is opposed to same-sex marriage: You let a couple of homos tie-the-knot in Massachusetts and the next thing you know your own daughter is playing lesbo tonsil detective on the internet. Let's all hope that Bob will be able to take some solace in the fact that Julia was making out with a white chick.

Tomorrow: The Winner.