Thoughtless for the Day

Some of you might wish to take shelter as I am about to apeshit.

Today during lunch I was checking out the Archaeologica site and daydreaming about excavating Roman villas in Tuscany when I came across this article about the discovery in Ethiopia of a the 3.3 million-year-old bones of child Australopithecus afarensis: the same species as the famous "Lucy".

"Wow, that was a great article," I thought "I wonder if anything has been posted about it over at Pharyngula?"

Before we go any further, I'd like you to do something. Print out the story above and keep in your wallet if you're a man, or in your purse if your either a woman or Dr. Phil. Someday, your grandkids will thank you.

For all I know, Pharyngula had a huge post about the Australopithecus afarensis find. For all I know Pharyngula didn't have a fucking word about it. I don't know because I never got past this post.

All I have to say (OK, it's not all as have to say, as you'll soon see) is that Mr. Biology A. Teacher must be made of sturdier stuff than me 'cause I'd have lit that stupid bitch up like a gawddamn war-on-Christmas tree and then pissed out the flames.

OK. I'd never ever really hit a woman (Ann Coulter doesn't count because she's got an Adam's apple. Just kidding -well, not about Ann's Adam's apple: that fuckin' thing is huge - I wouldn't even hit Ann Coulter) but I would put that paren'tard in her place and make damn certain that she never opened her hillbilly mouth again except to speak on a topic about which she may have some knowledge: like which Wal-Mart has the whitest greeters.

Why? Because ignorance is the opening act for totalitarianism. One day yet let people get away with saying stupid shit and the next day your take on One Day in the Live of Ivan Denisovitch is no longer academic. Hitler, Stalin, and Aimee Mann were all able to rise to power because their followers were dumber than a box of rocks. Oh, and Henry Ford ate dog cocks and finger-fucked squirrels.

So here's what you do: the next time you hear some logically-challenged rustic yammer on about how "Evylooshun is jus' one of them there the-o-ries", do what the good teacher did at first and patiently explain the evidence supporting evolution. If that fails, take the pint out of the article about the Australopithecus afarensis and hand it to the offending rube saying "OK, here's your evidence. Haven't seen one of these around lately, have you?"

If the Babbitt then mutters some stupid shit about Noah's Ark, consider it your duty to grab him or her by the scruff of the next and sneer "Listen, you moron, the very survival of the American way of life is dependent on you understand the relatively simple concept of Evolution. As a patriotic American, it's my obligation to make sure that ideas - real, scientific ideas - penetrate your bony skull. Someday, your grandkids will thank me"

Hey, before you leave, stop by that biology teacher's blog and thank him for doing a great job for what can't be very much money.