Thoughtless for the Day

"I am tired of niggers. I wish they would let me join the Ku Klux Klan. I'd do a drive-by from LA to Brooklyn."

- Chris Rock

Speaking as a left-leaning Liberal, I swear that I would buy a dozen copies of Ann Coulter's next ten books if I thought it would help rid the world of Democrats. On the other side of the fence, I know at least twenty old school Conservatives (believers in small government and "fiscal responsibility") who would listen to Air America five hours a day for the next twenty years if George Bush it would somehow result in George W. Bush packing up his bags and crawling back into whatever dank hole (Ann Coulter?) he emerged from.

Sure, the Democrats and Republicans started out with sound goals and policies. The Republicans sprang to on the scene with the election of Abe Lincoln, establishing themselves as the party of abolition, before transforming into the party of supply-side economics, and finally an umbrella organization for every Bible-thumping shit-bird who has ever donned a tinfoil cowboy hat. The Democrats began their existence with a simple, unspoken, compromise "If you'll accept of Keynesian economic policies, we'll look the other way on all those colorful Jim Crow laws."

However, despite what the Duggar brood might believe [click that link; you'll be glad you did], everything evolves. LBJ signed the Voting Rights Act and instantly created Southern Republicans; Ronald Reagan wed the Republicans to the "Moral Majority", and Bill Clinton copied the Republican economic playbook guaranteeing that, with both parities following a "business-friendly" physical plan, the entire country would be left with only "cultural" issues to squabble over. We've been over all of this a million times before on this site.

So why mention it again? We'll, yesterday the Democrats came to my door.

I was still at work, so Vienna had the unfortunate task of answering the bell and being greeted by one of Kerry's Kids.

Dick-nosed Demodunce: Hello. Are you voting for Rick Santorum or Bob Casey Jr. for senator?

Vienna: Neither.

Dick-nosed Demodunce: Oh, you're not voting at all.

Vienna (speaking slowly, so that she could be perfectly understood): No. I didn't say that. I'm voting for Carl Romanelli: the Green Party candidate.

[If you're looking for an analogy, and who isn't in these troubling times, here's one: Imagine going to and ice cream parlor and being asked if you would like chocolate or chocolate with sprinkles. Now imagine that when you say "Neither, I'd like vanilla-butterscotch swirl" the clerk looks at you like you just asked him to polish your car with a hyperactive reeses monkey. We'll that the look that the guy was giving Vienna. Only the choice between Casey and Santorum is a little more like the choice between chocolate covered in shit and chocolate covered in day-old shit.]

Dick-nosed Demodunce (wetting his pants): Don't you know that he took money from the Republicans?!?!?

Vienna: Yes I am. Are you aware of some of the people who gave Bob Casey money? When Romanelli gets elected, he won't be beholden to any of the Right-wingers who may've contributed to his campaign. Can you say the same thing about Bob Casey?

Dick-nosed Demodunce: Uh... um...errrr...

Vienna: There's only one pro-choice and anti-war candidate running for senator from PA and that's Carl Romanelli. Admit it; the only reason that you're voting for Bob Casey Jr. is because he's not Rick Santorum. Well, one of the reasons why I'm voting for Romanelli is because he's neither Bob Casey Jr. nor Rick Santorum.

Dick-nosed Demodunce: Mommy! Mommy! I need you mommy; help!

_ . _

I had this same problem when Kerry's Kids came a knocking back in '04. That time I kept David Cobb's handouts by the door and freely distributed them to MoveOnOffMyPorch members who darkened my doorstep. Sadly, Carl Romanelli doesn't seem to have any handouts available. Actually, he didn't until now.

Without the expressed consent of the Romanelli campaign (I'm certain that Carl doen't know that I exist, and if he did he'd surely want to distance himself from me as much as possible) I've created this handout that you can download, print, and wave in the faces of Kerry's Kids when they ring your doorbell (and they will be coming). Even if you're planning on voting for Santorum or Casey, it's worth handing the junior Demotards this flyer just to see the look on their dopey faces.