Thoughtless for the Day

During two separate hearings on Capitol hill this week two pieces of information came forth. One we all saw coming nearly four years ago and left us shrugging and saying "no shit"; while the other we also saw coming, but it still left some of gazing back at the newspaper and mouthing "holy shit". It's time to gather up the crazy:

...And In Other News: That Stripper Is Only Interested In Your Money

On Thursday General and, judging by his last name, possible Ay-rab John Abizaid utilized all of his military training to keep a straight face while Senate Armed Services Committee that "it is possible that Iraq could move towards civil war". The Senate Armed Services Committee needed a General to tell them this? Are all of the TV's at the Pentagon tuned to FOX News? Sweet ducking Jesus screaming "Get down, Judas, we've got incoming!", I've never even been to Iraq and I spotted this parade long before it turned the corner onto Main Street and started lobbing grenades from the floats instead of tossing plastic beads (and to think that we showed 'em our tits!). Then again, I've know the difference between Sunni and Shiite Muslims since I was in sixth grade: unlike some people out there.

He Stole What???

Also on Thursday we learned the full extent of the corruption that has permeated Iraqi society via U.S. special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction Stuart Bowen (Fun Fact: Plan A was "You can build it with Legos"). Among the more interesting things we learned is that one individual managed to single-handedly steal one billion dollars. While the most of the Americans who actually heard about this reacted with shock and awe, I said to myself "How can I get a piece of this action?" This answer is RATYHTL's first annual How Much Good Publicity Can Your Stolen Iraqi Money Buy Contest. The rules are so simple that even Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Bremer on a combination of acid, 'shrooms, Iron City beer couldn't fuck it: The Iraqi official who sends me the largest bribe by midnight on August 26th will wake up the next morning to find a glowing piece about themselves on this very blog!

Gentlemen (as most of the women over there are forbidden to leave their homes), let the bribery begin!