Thoughtless for the Day

Here's the piece I just finished for the City Paper. Not my best writing but, when you consider that I originally hadn't planned on it being a piece, I'm fairly happy with it.

On to other, less weighty matters:

Believe it or not (I almost didn't), Fongo has gotten a reply to his recent letter to those Storm Troopers for Jesus, Battle Cry:

Hi, Jerry!

Thank you very much for your e-mail and also for your support of the Battle Cry!
It's interesting to hear about your ministry and great to hear about your popularity in the greater-Lancaster area!

The best thing to do if you are interested in being a part of next year's tour would be to send an e-mail with all of this information in it to [nicechristianlady@jackeduponjesus.com]. She will let you know about press kit information and any other things that she will need to know in order to make a decision.

Again, thank you very much, and God bless you.

For every bit of His glory,

[Well-intentioned Delusional Christian]
Battle Cry Coalition Coach

_ . _

Dear Miss or Mrs. (But definitely not "Ms." as we all know "what's up" with that) [DogandPonyShowPromoter],

My name is Jerry "Fongo" Fongowski and I am the lead guitarist for the CHRISTIAN Heavy Metal band BRAÜ. As I know that you're very busy ferreting out the unrighteous, I'll cut right to the chase: BRAU would be honored if we could perform at the next Battle Cry rally.

As I've already said, BRAÜ is a Christian Heavy Metal band; however, unlike most Christian Heavy Metal bands, who tend to write songs about the entire Bible we've decided that it would be best to focus our abundant teenage energy on spreading the news of Deuteronomy 14:1 which, as I'm certain you know, says:

"Ye are the children of the LORD your God: ye shall not ... make any baldness between your eyes..."

So far we've composed nearly two-dozen songs including "Pluck Jock Girl" (this song is about this girl who I used to go to school with until my parents took me out of public school. She was from "Iranaindiastan" and not only worshiped a whole bunch of demonic "Gods" but also shaved her eyebrows and took an unnatural interest in women's athletics), "Power of the Brow" (a power ballad dedicated to our drummer Rikki's mom who protests outside of a waxing salon every Friday), "In Hell There Are No Uni-Brows", and our most popular song, "Feel The Connection"(lyrics included below). We also do a cover of "Eyes Without A Face", only we change the words to "Eyebrows Without A Space". Please let me know if you'd like me to send you some MP3's of our music.
Yours in an unshaven Christ,
Jerry "Fongo" Fongowski
PS. If you would like us to perform at the next Battle Cry rally, please note it won't be necessary to have to have former Navy SEALS crawl across the stage during our set as we have a group of friends who dress as 17th Century Cavaliers and do pretty much the same thing.

Feel The Connection by BRAÜ

Verse
Feel the connection where two brows meet
Like merging traffic on a one-way street
Like a blending of things that are blended together
A brow so thick it could almost be a sweater

Chorus
Shaving your brows is like Eve biting the apple
But letting them join is like ceiling of that chapel

Verse
Feel the connection where two join as one
Like melting ice cream under the sun
Let's all join together a give the Battle Cry
"Don't make any baldness between your eyes"

Chorus
Shaving your brows is like crucifying Jesus
But letting them join is the thing that will please us
[REPEAT]

Feel the connection [Repeat and fade]