Thoughtless for the Day

Finally all Americans have something in common: you, me, the guy who runs the convenience store, the crazy cat lady, Penn Jillette, Rush Limbaugh, Meredith Baxter Birney - all of us. And that great commonality is not that we all share the M168 genetic marker (even though we do), but that we have had our phone calls logged by the NSA for the last five years. And you thought that Bush was whistling out his shop-worn asshole when he said that he was "a uniter not a divider".

There are two overtly obviously scary pieces to this story. The first is that there seems to be a fairly sizable group of fuckwits who seem to pretty OK with anything - and I mean anything - the President does as long as it's done in the name of National Security. If you get caught fucking some guy's wife will polishing off his last six-pack, just tell him that it's all for National Security: odds are that he'll back down. And who knows, maybe when my nine-year-old niece calls to tell me that she got all A's that just might be code for "The jihad of the fourth graders has begun. Soon the streets will run red with the blood of those who refused to take us to the Dairy Queen."

The second disturbing element is just how much abuse of our basic Civil Rights we, the American public, are willing to endure. Why aren't we marching on the White House demanding an explanation for this shit? If we had the technology to organize those moronic "flash mob" gatherings - enabling two hundred bored trust fund brats to gather in a Starbucks and then disperse - or get every maid and gardener in the country to participate in a series of nationwide demonstrations for "A Day without the Cast of Caliente", then why the fuck can't those of us who've had enough of the wiretapping, the faith-based science, and a foreign policy that seems to have been drafted with a crayon during a bumpy ride on a short, yellow bus surround Washington and, in unison, scream "Enough!"

Until some American Lech Walesa steps forward and cries out "follow me over the fence, folks" will all have live vicariously though my tiny plastic Roman army.

Tomorrow, I'll reveal the identity of the Antichrist. By the way, I just got my results in from the Genographic Project. Those of you who guessed "R1b (M343) Haplogroup" were correct! For those of you who guessed "some sort of goddamn Jew", better luck next time.