Thoughtless for the Day

But first...

I believe I once read somewhere that the Roman playwright Terence had been quoted as saying "Quot homines, tot sententiae", which roughly translates as "There are as many opinions as there are people" (Technically, it translates as "There are as many opinions as there are men", since women weren't allowed to have opinions until 1973). When it comes to illegal immigration, everyone has an opinion. Libertarians want open borders, the abolishment of the minimum wage, and a gardener named Juan. Social Conservatives want to build an electrified fence and surround it with landmines. Smelly Lefties think that we should embrace cultural diversity as long as it only causes economic hardship for working class Whites. Border-bouncing-Jesus-on-a-burrito-high, even the Catholic Church has an opinion about illegal immigration.

Yes, in the last few days, everybody has been speaking up about illegal immigration.

Everybody 'cept the Fundies, that is.

Amazing, isn't it, that the same people who feel the need to call a press conference whenever they suspect a Telletubbie of being Gay have remained remarkable silent on the issue of our wage-lowering neighbors to the South.

Well, maybe it's not so amazing when you consider that, by appealing to their core audience by criticizing illegal immigration, Robertson, Falwell, et al run the risk of (pardon the pun) alienating millions of potential converts, pissing off their Catholic allies in the War on Choice, and angering big business.

Illegal immigrants will, of course, do the jobs that no American is willing to do. You know; the jobs in the United States Armed Forces. Think about it; what did the Roman army (the real one, not the tiny plastic one) do when recruitment slimmed down to a trickle and they found themselves with too few soldiers to guard their empire? They offered the Goths citizenship in exchange for military service. Hey Pablo, if you like the deserts of northern Mexico, you're just gonna love Iran.

Please, please, please don't wake me if I'm just dreaming this...

Scooter "Irving L." Libby has apparently told prosecutors that George Bush authorized the leak of intelligence information about Iraq.

"And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of."

- George Bush

Please keep in mind that "taken care of" could mean "Given a bundle of that leftover Abramoff cash and smuggled to Saudi Arabia".

The big question here is, of course, how will Michelle Malkin and the special kids at FOX News spin this story? There seems to be nothing about Scooter's accusation on Michelle's site, so now would be the perfect opportunity to pitch her some ideas. If I were Malkin (I'd still have a penis), I would go with some crazy rant about how Bush was just trying to protect America (and, by extension, Israel) from Valerie Plame, who has know ties to foreign governments (in that she spied on them for the CIA) and has traveled extensively in areas where bird flu has recently broken out.