Thoughtless for the Day

Sure, nobody ever said that life was fair, but somebody should've mentioned just how completely unfair life can be: Case-in-point, the death yesterday of Dan Curtis. While the few news sources which even bothered to mention the passing of the great man credited him with being a prolific television producer, all of the reports failed to acknowledge his greatest accomplishment: Dan Curtis was the Father of Modern Rock 'n' Roll.

Just as it was a pure metaphysical roll of the dice that led a thirteen-year-old Elvis Presley into a Tupelo hardware store in search of a coping saw so that his mother would be able to have her gallbladder operation, only to exit with a guitar and a fondness for prescription medication, so it was that Goddess of Fortune smiled upon Dan Curtis who, while working as the producer of television's only Gothic soap opera, sat sad and lonely one evening contemplating the show's flagging ratings. It was somewhere around Dan's sixth scotch on the rocks when he looked up and slurred "Aw, fuck it. Let's toss in a vampire."

That vampire was Barnabas Collins (Vienna has a tattoo of him on her hip) and his addition to the Dark Shadows line up not only saved the show from cancellation (as anyone between the ages of 38 and 50 where they were on weekdays, after school, at four o'clock. Unless they're some sort of smelly pinko, they planted in front of the TV watching DS), but also had some unintended societal repercussions. For the first time, vampires, werewolves, and witches were being considered sex symbols. This opened up a whole new world for the freakish and strange of the world. Shit Luther, until Dark Shadows took off, Mick Jagger spent many a lonely night in his hotel room.

If Dan Curtis had done nothing else, Rock 'n' Roll would still owe him a tremendous dept of gratitude. But Dan Curtis, like the members of Motorhead pillaging from town-to-town, was not content to ret on his laurels. His next coup was the Karen Blacksploitation classic Trilogy of Terror.

Rock 'n' Roll historians will probably never admit this, but we all know in a hearts that every speedcore band we've ever seen has been based on ToT's Zuni warrior fetish.

Speaking of Trilogies, Dan Curtis managed to pull off a hat trick when he brought Kolchak: The Night Stalker to the small screen. And what does the late Darin McGavin in a rumpled suit have to do with Rock 'n' Roll? He fuckin' rocked; that's what!

Look, I don't ever expect Dan Curtis to be inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame (he's too good for that cesspool), but what I would like is that if, the next time you're in a bar and the conversation turns to forgotten heroes of Rock 'n' roll, you could raise a glass to the memory of Dan Curtis.