The 'Tard Write Zone: Ham-Fisted Freedom
"Those who would exchange freedom for security get and deserve neither"- Benjamin Franklin
Herb, you fuckin' idiot! OK, stop right there. Look, I'm never going to get anyway by just attacking someone who happens to be mistaken about the facts. How can we expect to ever engage in meaningful dialog with those who disagree with us if we immediately insult them? Let's start all over; this time trying a gentler approach:
Dear Herbert, while I certainly appreciate the passion with which you've expressed your concerns about the security of your fellow citizens, I believe that you're mistaken on several points. Please allow me the opportunity enlighten you… you fuckin' idiot!
One: Herb, it does not take two weeks to get a warrant from a FISA judge. In fact, if the government wants to wiretap your shitty little princess phone, they can go right ahead and do it. The Feds can then wait three whole mutha fuckin' days before asking a FISA judge for a piece of paper asking if it was OK to listen on your calls to 1-800-STUDLOVE.
Two: "The judge could say no." Yes, and you could wake up tomorrow to find that you've grown a penis, but both of those things are highly unlikely to happen. The FISA court approves over 1,000 warrants a year. Since the FISA court has been in existence for twenty-five years that's (I'll help you with the tough math, Herb) roughly 25,000 warrants. And in those twenty-five years, how many applications for warrants have the FISA court rejected? Pencils down. The correct answer is FOUR. You can see the stats here. See, unlike you, Herb, I prefer to back my statements up with evidence instead of just inventing crazy shit. Statement: You are a fuckin' idiot! Evidence: Your shitty little letter to the Editor.
Three: So, with a three day grace period and a 1-in-6,250 chance of having an application for a warrant rejected, why would the Bush administration want to avoid the FISA court? Well, Herb, maybe it was because Bush and pals didn't won't to leave a paper trail showing that they'd been spying on the likes of Caitlin Childs.
Who?
Caitlin Childs. Caitlin Childs was spied upon by both the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security. Was she making daily calls to Osama bin Laden? No. Was she building a dirty bomb out of your soiled panties, Herb? No. She was…wait for it, it's that goddamn good…she was part of a small group of vegans who, in December 2003, were picketing against a HoneyBaked Ham© store. I guess the Feds figure "Wait, Muslims don't eat pork: maybe, just maybe, there's a connection!"
Four: Bush's secret wiretapping program, just like the War in Iraq, is not making either you, or me, or the seamstress who sews the frills unto your shitty little pink panties any safer. As a matter of fact, it's having the opposite effect. The FBI (when there not busy spying on Caitlin Childs) have complained that the program caused them to be inundated with useless leads on thousands of innocentAmericans. You see, Herb; you don't find a needle in a haystack by throwing more hay on it. Do ya', dickface?
Five: Herb, if you wanna live in a Police State as much as you wanna teach Gym, you should move to a country like Pakistan, you shitty little obsequious prick. Sweet Jesus on a riding mower, Herb, as much as I hate your shitty little guts, I hope to Hell that you never come home from a hard day at the drive-thru window to find your kids missing and a note from the government reading: "Don't worry, it's a matter of national security and the continued safety of our Honeybaked Ham© supply". That sort of shit happens every day in shitty little princess phone buggin', pink panty confiscating Police States, Herb.
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