Screw you, M'butoo.
Here comes one of those sentences that you're likely to see only on RATYHTL:
I'm pretty pissed off at the indigenous peoples of the world right now.
A few (paucus-a-um) weeks ago, my nephew returned home after spending a month in New Zealand. Now, whenever someone under twenty-one disappears for a month, you're going to naturally demand to see some photos which provide concrete proof that they really were where they said they were. Shit Luther, once when I was seventeen I convinced my parents that I'd spent a two weeks in Honduras helping to rebuild a village when I was actually at my girlfriend's house. Anyway, among my nephew's pictures of sheep and Helms Deep (If anyone from the New Zealand Board of Tourism is reading this, may I suggest the follow slogan: "For Sheep and Helms Deep, come to New Zealand.") were a few (paucus-a-um) photos of strange dome-shaped boulders scattered along a beach.
"Whoa. What are these?"
"Those? Oh those are strange dome-shaped boulders scattered along a beach."
"I can see that. I mean what are they?"
"Nobody knows for sure. They're sacred to the Maori, and they won't let scientist study them. It's a shame because you can see down into some of them and the inside looks like a giant geode."
Zeus be praised for the internets. In the past, if you had a question you were forced to walk miles through the dark woods to get to the library. I don't know about you, but I like to yell "Holy shit!" whenever I learn something new. Subsequently, I've been asked to leave more than a few (paucus-a-um) libraries. Today, thanks to the Zionist plot that masquerades as the World Wide Web, not only did I learn that the boulders are known as Moeraki boulders and that they began forming (despite what Young Earth Creationists and the Maori might tell you) around 65 million years ago, but I also discovered a great new crazy pseudo-science site: Geomantica: the free E-magazine of dowsing & geomancy.
While my search didn't turn up any mention of the Maori forbidding scientiststo study the boulders, I can easily believe that what my nephew told me has a ring of truth to it (in fact, we sent my nephew to New Zealand to toss that ring in a volcano). There are precedents for this sort of thing. For example, Kennewick Man, while not exactly a household name, is probably the best known example of a collision between scientific curiosity and the beliefs (superstitions) of native people.
Ten years ago, a skull was discovered adjacent to the Columbia River in Kennewick, Washington (I wish someone would find an old skull near a town called "Pusher"). A little later, the rest of the skeleton was uncovered. Upon examination, scientists determined that the skull was approximately 9,200 years old and belonged to an individual who, at about the age of forty-five, was dispatched by a stone projectile (AKA "Killed with a rock"). So far, so good (except for Kennewick Man who took a rock to the Gulliver), until the scientists announced that the skull bore more of a resemblance to that of a Jomon (a prehistoric people who inhabited Japan), or a Polynesian, or even a Caucasian than it did to any Native American.
This didn't sit(ting Bull) well with the local American Indian tribes (the Umatilla, Yakama, Nez Perce and the Colville) who wanted to rebury Kennewick Man's skeleton on Indian land in accordance with 1990's Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act (NAGPRA). This act returns the remains "... of or relating to, a tribe, people, or culture that is indigenous to ... the United States" to Indian control. In other words: If your last name is Running Bear and I have your ancestor's bones in a box in my attic, I've gotta fork 'em over. I think we're all OK with that.
Of course the big problem was that Kennewick Man had obviously not been an ancestor of the local tribe. Not that the local tribe cared because, according to their religious beliefs, they had been in that spot since the beginning of time, ergo Kennewick Man was one of them, igitur, they still wanted his bones and are, therefore, retarded. So, under pressure from several Native American groups, the Senate attempted to pass Bill 536, Section 108 which would add two words to NAGPRA, so that it would now read "... of or relating to, a tribe, people, or culture that is or was indigenous to ... the United States." In other words: If your last name is Running Bear and I have some ancient bones that are in no way related to you but were found near where your tribe is currently living, I've still gotta fork 'em over.
Had SB536 passed, it would have been a triumph of religion over science. So, naturally, it was supported by both the Bush administration and Senator John McCain, the chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee.
Thanks to a ruling from the U.S. Court of Appeals, Kennewick Man is now in the hands of scientists. I promise I'll keep you updated on his story.
And don't forget that some Indigenous groups opposed the Genographic project because, in the words of some tribal assface, "Indigenous people already have a history of their origin which was communicated over generations by their ancestors. Further scientific proofs are thus decrepit."
Look, I understand that for centuries Colonial cultures did inhuman things to the indigenous peoples of the world. But that world does not exist on the back of giant turtle and scuttling the space program because it contradicts that view of cosmology or refusing to partake in scientific investigations because your ethnic group believes that the Earth is a few (paucus-a-um) thousand years old isn't going to bring back the millions of native people who were massacred by Europeans any more than some ignorant Hillbilly's refusal to allow Evolution to be taught in his local school is going to result in the Second Coming of Christ.
If you have a problem with that, you're free to gather in a sweat lodge, smoke a peace pipe, put on a ghost shirt, and go fuck yourselves.
igitur - therefore
edwdh - food