Thoughtless for the Day

Salvete veri comites,

Many of you were so impressed with yesterday's display of my psychic abilities that I now dare not enter some of America's more "rural" states (That's the polite way of saying "Jeebuzland") for fear of being burnt as a witch. And yet I'm going to throw caution to the wind and astound all of you once again by predicting that tonight, sometime between 11 and 11:30 PM EST, mankind will sink to a new low.

For it is then that the "news" division of my local CBS affiliate, KYW AKA "Channel 3", will present a segment about people who died and "went to Heaven."

Never mind that this sort of bullshit has been debunked a thousand times over or that this sort of nonsense hardly qualifies as news (there is still a war on, right?), Channel 3 boldly marches on; happy to do its part in the effort to turn America into a nation of fuckwits.

I'm going to toss in a few bonus predictions, just for good measure. First I predict that the Channel 3 News team will either offer no rational explanation for this phenomenon or, if they do, that explanation will be downplayed. Secondly, either no skeptic will be interviewed for the piece or, if a skeptic is interviewed, that skeptic will get less than twenty seconds of air time. Finally, I'd like to predict that if my first two bonus predictions come true (and since KYW was running a promo promising "proof that Heaven exists", they more than likely will) I'll be coming down on Channel 3 News like a ton of pissed off bricks. In fact, I think I'm getting a vision of what tomorrow's post will look like...

For more Channel 3 News team fun, I heavily suggest you check out this reporter's bio and then read this piece from Slate.