Abderazzaq S. Abdeulhafafeeth
There's a donkey cart's load of steaming news to get to, so let's grab our pitchforks, don our colorful peasant kerchiefs, and dive right in
Krawchuk Alert! Krawchuk Alert! This is NOT a drill!
My Libertarian buddy (which means that I pay him $10 a month to be my friend) Ken Krawchuk (whom you might remember from this ancient piece) will be appearing on Radio Times with smokin' hot radio babe Marty Moss-Cohane tomorrow from 10:20 until 10:40. Radio Times airs on 90.9 FM here in Philly. Before you cry a river that even FEMA would notice about how you won't be able to listen in because you don't live in Philly, please allow me to remind you that, through the magic of the "internets", you can listen live by clicking here. George Deutsch calls it witchcraft, but we call it technology.
Ken will be talking about Voters' Choice Act, the ballot access lawsuit (follow that link and feel the rage!), and the importance of not singing at the table (it's not just good manners, folks, it's a good a idea). Ken will be joined by Terry Madonna who will gyrate shamelessly across the studio while singing "Like a Virgin".
Also tomorrow, my good friend Jay "You're what every citizen should be, a good Christian" Schwartz will be helping to conduct and interesting experiment at the Franklin Institute. The Institute is celebrating the fifty-first anniversary of the opening of its Giant Heart exhibit by staying open for fifty-one straight hours. Jay will, of course, be showing movies. Like the day when JFK was assassinated, 9/11, and that time when that fat kid shit his pants during the National Geography Bee, people will be talking about where they were when this went down for decades to come.
In RATYHTL news, while my column didn't appear in this week's City Paper, I have it on good authority that it will definitely be in next week's. This new high visibility might just result in an influx of new readers for this site. In other words, we've got less than one week to straighten this place up. razlerja, pick up that dirty laundry! billzebub, get those dirty dishes outta the sink. I don't care what you do with 'em. Hide 'em, if you have to. C'mon people, look alive. I'm not mad at you, crapmonkey. I'm mad at the dirt. briannirvana, one word: "pants". As in "put some goddamn pants on now."
By the way, I drove (in a car) for two hours yesterday and for another two hours today. While that might not seem like a huge accomplishment, I should point out that the last time I drove a car, you could only make a right turn on a red light if you had the written permission of Ladybird Johnson.
Now, in the past, I've had what might be described as, at best, a "spotty" driving record. At the tender age of eighteen, I managed to flip a car end-over-end. Since then I've relied on public transportation, taxis, and tour buses.
In order that I not pose a danger to anyone else or (most importantly) myself, I'm taking driving lessons. That's all. No punch line. Just something I wanted you all to know.