Thoughtless for the Day

Yes, the same Lewis Carroll (born Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) who wrote, among other things, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass and what Alice found there (which includes his classic poem Jabberwocky). Now, you may have heard that the reason why Lewis Carroll wrote children's books as a sort of "mental vacation" form his regular gig as a mathematician at Oxford. While this may have some truth to it, there seems to be another motivational factor behind Mr. Carroll's decision to produce children's literature. It's the same impetus which might compel one man to quit Law School and become a clown, or another to send the millions of dollars he'd earned as a recording star to build private amusement park on his isolated ranch. For Lewis Carroll, writing children's books was a great way to meet children. And Lewis had a thing - a terrible, awful, monstrous, and unspeakable thing - for children.

While some academics claim that Lewis Carroll's interest in children was completely innocent (Some histo-tards have even claimed that Lewis Carroll was Jack the Ripper) and that the charge of pedophilia is simply a reflection of out modern, suspicious minds. To these people, I offer the following quote for Carroll's niece:

"He...seemed almost quivering with delight at the prospect of playing with four or five little girls. He had an odd, and of course frustrated, love for little girls -- in part identifying with them, in part substituting 'child friends' for more difficult and responsible adult relationships."

Given, there are some who might counter by saying that this proves nothing and that if one examines the 581 existing letters of Carroll's to his female friends, you'll find that the majority, 250, were written to women aged 20 and over.184 were penned to girls and young women aged 14-19 and only 147 were to girls under the age of 13. Um…OK…not like there's anything suspicious about a grown man writing 147 letters to little girls. But what about a man who takes nude photographs of little girls?

Starting in his mid-40's, Lewis Carroll began photographing and attempting to photograph (Carroll sent numerous letter an Oxford colleague pleading for permission to take nude photographs the man's daughters, ages 6, 11, and 13. Carroll emphasized that no other adults should be present during the session. Understandably, the colleague said no thanks) nude little girl.

While we never have a smoking gun in the Carroll case, I think we can be fairly certain that if Lewis Carroll were alive today, you'd receive notification before he moved into your neighborhood. This is, of course, due to Megan's Law: a chunk of legislation that does nothing to protect children.

Look, while I don't have any kids of my own, I do have plenty of nieces and nephews, and if someone were to even sneeze around them, that person would be in for a world-class curb stomping, but I'm not going to pretend for one gawddamn minute that Megan's Law does anything to keep them safe. In fact, I propose that it has the exact opposite effect.

Megan's Law perpetuates the myth that children molesters are shadowy strangers lurking in the bushes, and that knowing there exact whereabouts will keep a future generation of hymens and rectums intact. "Thank God, I was notified that Mr. Wilson likes to butt fuck little boys. I was just about to give Waldo Jr. permission to go over to his house and play naked leapfrog." It's also based on the idea that sex offenders can't be cured and, like an Energizer bunny in a trench coat, they just keep on goin'. Actually, the recidivism rate for sex offenders is lower than for any other category of criminal behavior.

What???

It's true: a Department of Justice study, released in November, found that 43 percent of sex offenders were arrested for any type of crime within three years, compared with 68 percent for all other former inmates. Only 6 percent of the sex offenders were rearrested for a sex crime.

The awful truth is that if a child is going to be molested it's most likely going to be by someone the child knows: and that person is almost always either a relative, a coach, or a priest/minister/rabbi. Shit Luther, as a child I never went to family reunions, played sports, or attended church: and nobody ever tried to get me drunk on "Jesus juice" and play naked leapfrog with me.